


After the nightmare, forgiveness

by NoMoreBeer4U



Series: After the nightmare series [15]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s08e18 Threads, Established Relationship, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:55:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26212261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U
Summary: Daniel comes back from his last death and discovers how Jack coped with it.
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Series: After the nightmare series [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055
Kudos: 13





	After the nightmare, forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The usual, they are not mine, I just play with them, I don't do money with this, don't sue me...

_Excruciating pain traveled through every cell of Daniel’s body as Replicator Sam’s sword-shaped metal hand pierced his heart. Shock tremors began to shake his body, and he grunted in pain as she retracted the weapon, now dyed with the archaeologist’s blood. His legs buckled, and he fell on his knees before_ _slumping on the floor._ _He tried to crawl to get away from the monster wearing his friend's face, but there was nowhere to go. His ragged breath came in short gasps. Then numbness claimed him, and he couldn’t move anymore. His last thought before his eyes closed was for his lover._

_Jack, I love you. Please, forgive me._

_And not for the first time, but maybe for the last one, Daniel Jackson died_.

***

Once on the safety of his home, Jack did the thing he had been eager to do since the moment Daniel had appeared naked in his office. He grabbed his lover and pulled him into a fierce hug. Daniel responded equally, clutching the General’s jacket with his fists. Jack buried his face into the hollow of Daniel’s neck and captured his scent. Yes, he was real, he was back, a new miracle had brought him back to him. Dr. Brightman had checked him a few hours ago. The archaeologist was alive, whole, and in perfect health.

As Daniel wrapped Jack with all his strength, he could feel small tremors running through his lover’s body.

“Jack, are you ok?” he asked in concern.

The General didn’t respond, he just kept holding Daniel tightly.

“Jack?” Daniel asked tentatively, noticing that the tremors were increasing

Suddenly the older man pulled away, furiously rubbed his face and hair, and began to pace.

“No, Daniel, I'm not ok. In fact, I'm so far from okay that I don't even think there is a word to describe how I feel right now.”

“Jack…”

“You died again, damnit!” he stopped pacing abruptly and looked at Daniel with accusatory eyes. “I need a drink,” he muttered.

In a rush, he grabbed a glass from the kitchen and went to the living room. He got the bottle of Jack Daniel’s from the cabinet and slumped on the armchair. With shaking hands, he poured the amber liquor in the glass and drank it up in a single gulp.

Daniel approached him slowly and stood in front of the armchair, his arms wrapped across his midsection.

“Jack, I'm sorry,” he said softly. "I'm sorry I died again, but this time I couldn't do much about it."

Jack shook his head, his gaze fixed in his glass. “No, you don’t understand.” He poured a new shot of whiskey.

Daniel kneeled in front of his lover. The older man looked completely defeated. The archaeologist put a hand on his knee and began to stroke it with comforting movements.

“Jack, everything turned out ok. I'm here, you’re here, and we saved the galaxy again,” he chuckled.

Jack shook his head again and stared at his lover.

“Is not ok, Danny. I'm not ok. You died again and… God,” he looked upwards for a few seconds, trying to control the threatening tears. He stared at his lover with pain-filled eyes. “I didn’t cope well, you know?”

“Jack, what did you do?” Daniel was getting scared. The last time he had died, the older man had thought about killing himself. Luckily he had been able to contact him in time to stop him. But this time, he had been trapped in Oma's glowing cafe, without any way to contact his lover.

“What did you do?” Daniel repeated, panic starting to settle in his voice.

“I thought you were dead, you know? Hell, I knew you were dead. While…” he stopped for a moment to swallow the lump in his throat, “while we were fighting the replicators at the SGC, for a moment I felt… God… I felt a sharp pain in my chest. And I knew. I knew you were gone.”

“Jack, I'm here, I'm back,” Daniel tried to reassure him.

“But I didn’t know it then! The General shouted. “Danny, after a week of knowing nothing about you, I… God, I thought I had lost you for good!” He glanced at his lover for a second and then looked away. He went on talking, unable to maintain eye contact with the archaeologist.

“My public reaction was denial, you know? Carter insisted that you were probably dead, that we should schedule a… a memorial service. The mere idea twisted my insides. I kept telling her that you'd appear at any moment. Waltzing through the door, I said.” He snorted without humor. “But the truth is… I couldn’t deny it to myself. And I couldn’t imagine going on without you at my side. I didn’t want to grief, cause that would have made it just so…”

“Real?” Daniel finished for him.

Jack nodded. “So instead of grieving, I chose the path of rage.” Jack closed his fists tightly, trying to suppress the feelings that accompanied the memory. “God, I was so angry. I wanted to hate you because you broke your promise. You left me. And I hated myself because we shot the weapon in Dakara that killed you. I wanted to hurt you, you know? As much as you had hurt me. I wanted to punish you, and I wanted to punish myself.”

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, unable to bear the pain in his lover’s features.

“I beat the crap out of a punching bag,” Jack continued, “but guess what?”

“It didn’t help?” the archaeologist asked tentatively.

“Not a bit.” Jack made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. “Then I thought about drinking into oblivion. But you know, Anubis was planning to destroy every living thing in the Galaxy. And I had a facility to command. I just couldn’t… lose it. But I didn’t have the strength. I didn’t have the strength and I…”

“Jack, you’re scaring me,” Daniel said with a tremulous voice. “What did you do?” He grabbed his lover’s chin and forced eye contact, trying to read the answer in his chocolate orbs.

Jack took a deep breath and continued. “I needed something to ground me… I… I needed comfort. But I… I just could take it from Teal’c, or Carter, she would have misunderstood, and I… shit, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I’m sorry…” at the last syllable his voice faded to nothing.

What Daniel saw in the General eyes was a mixture of anger, pain, shame, and… guilt. And he understood.

“Oh, God,” Daniel whispered. “Who?”

Jack couldn’t hold the gaze anymore and looked away, ashamed.

“Who?” Daniel repeated, louder this time.

“Johnson, Kerry Johnson. CIA. She was temporarily assigned to track down the remaining members of The trust,” Jack sighed with sadness.

Daniel felt an invisible fist punching his gut. The hand resting on Jack’s knee began to shake. The General noticed the tremors, and he gathered all his courage to look at his lover. The pain in the archaeologist’s face was more than he could handle, and he fought hard to keep the tears at bay. They stared at each other for a long moment. Both men had a lump so huge in their throats that they were unable to talk. Finally, Daniel could articulate a single word.

“Ke’ra,” he said.

“What?” Jack asked in confusion.

“She… she was your… Ke- Ke’ra,” Daniel almost chocked with his own words and couldn’t fight the tears anymore. “After Sha’re died I… I kissed Ke’ra… I know the feeling, Jack, the despair, the guilt… and I didn’t love Sha’re the way I love you. I can’t imagine the pain… God, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I died again, I’m so sorry for pushing you to that.”

“Don’t you dare to make it your fault, Daniel,” Jack warned. “ It’s not your fault that you died, and for sure is not your fault that I slept with someone else.”

The younger man nodded in acceptance. “How long?” he asked.

“Just a couple of nights,” Jack confessed. “She left me when she noticed my heart wasn’t there with her. How could it be? My heart died the same moment yours stopped beating.”

Daniel stood up and hesitated for a moment, not being sure what direction to take.

“I’m so sorry. Danny, I love you, I never stopped, please, you have to believe me,” Jack said with a cracked voice.

“I know… I… I know you love me,” Daniel stammered. “I feel it in my heart, but… but right now I don’t know what to think about all this.”

“I’m such an asshole. How can I ask you to forgive me? “

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. All I know is it hurts and… I need to think about all this. I… I need some air. I need to get out of here. I… I’m sorry, I just… just… I need some time.” He staggered towards the front door and left the house. He didn’t take his jacket nor his wallet or keys, so Jack guessed he just needed a short walk to clear his mind.

Jack stared at his half-full glass of whiskey for a moment, and he threw it to the fireplace angrily. It shattered into a million pieces and sent drops of liquor all over the room. He slumped heavily against the armchair and buried his face into his hands.

***

Two hours later, the first thunder resounded into the house. It was getting dark, a storm was approaching, and Daniel was still out there wearing just a light shirt. When Jack heard the first drops splashing the windows, he decided it was better to confront an angry Daniel than a hypothermic one. He put on his raincoat, held another one under his armpit, and went out to search for his missing archaeologist. Just as he opened the door, a new thunder made the house shake. In seconds the clouds darkened the sky, and the gentle rain became a downpour. He stopped at the end of his driveway wondering in which direction Daniel might have gone.

“Shit!” he exclaimed to himself.

He decided to try the park a couple of blocks from there. There was a quiet spot near a pond, which Daniel always said was a good place to think. He used to tease Jack saying there were more fish in that simple small greenish pond than in the lake next to his cabin in Minnesota. Jack ran under the heavy rain. Once he reached the park, he quickly distinguished the familiar form sitting on the bench situated in front of the pond.

Daniel was curled up into a tight ball. His knees were drawn against his chest, his arms wrapped around his legs. His head was resting on his knees, and as Jack moved closer, he noticed he was shaking. He was the perfect image of misery and abandonment. Jack's heart plummeted. Once again, he was responsible for Daniel’s pain, and he hated himself for that.

“God”, he thought, “no wonder Sara kicked me out. I'm an insensitive son of a bitch.”

He ran towards the younger man, who was completely soaked by the rain.

“Daniel,” he said softly as he sat down next to him. He put a hand on his shoulder gently. The archaeologist was shaking hard. Whether because of the cold or the shock, he couldn’t tell.

Daniel lifted his head and looked at Jack with puffy red-rimmed eyes. Raindrops were sliding along his face, so Jack couldn’t tell if he was still crying. For sure the General was doing it on the inside. He unfolded the spare raincoat and put it on Daniel’s shoulders.

“C'mon, let’s go home,” Jack said.

Daniel nodded weakly and let the older man help him with the raincoat. Jack helped him to stand up and put an arm around his waist for support. Leaning one against the other they did their slow and silent way home. Once they arrived at the house, Jack guided his lover directly to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

“C'mon, we need to warm you up, you’re soaked,” he said.

Daniel's hands were shaking so hard that he couldn't get his fingers to work to unbutton his shirt.

“Let me,” Jack asked.

“I can do this,” Daniel said weakly, trying to push away the older man’s hands.

“Daniel, you’re freezing. I've done enough damage, please, let me help you now.”

“Ok,” the archaeologist gave up with a whisper.

Jack finished to take off Daniel’s clothes and then stripped himself. He helped his lover into the stall and moved behind him, holding him tightly under the warm water. Daniel was shaking so hard that he almost slipped from the General’s grip. After some minutes, the trembling decreased, and Jack felt Daniel relaxing into his embrace.

“I'm so sorry, Daniel, for everything,” he said with emotion into his ear. “I love you more than anything, God, please, don’t die again, I don’t think I can take more scares like that last one.”

Daniel turned around slowly and faced his lover. His eyes were sparkling with a mixture of emotions that Jack couldn’t figure out. Then he cupped the older man’s face and to Jack’s surprise, he captured his lips with his own. The kiss wasn’t gentle. It was a mixture of urgency, desperation, and need. Jack pulled his lover away and looked at him intently, his eyes asking a question.

“Daniel?” he was confused.

“Shut up, Jack. You've talked enough.” And he again launched himself at his lover's lips in a bruising kiss.

Jack responded equally. Their tongues began a fight for control, licking, sucking, teeth biting. Hands started to run furiously along backs, heads, and buttocks, and in a few seconds, both men were hard as a rock. They felt each other’s cock pressing against the other between their bellies and they hardened further, if possible.

Daniel reached out a hand and turned off the water blindly. Then, without losing contact, began to push his lover out of the stall and towards the bedroom. Once they reached the bed, he shoved him onto the comforter and straddled him. They stared at each other for a moment. Both men were panting and their eyes were glistening with lust and love.

“Mine,” the archaeologist said huskily.

“Daniel, are you mmmmmmh…?”

Daniel kissed Jack again with despair. He managed to open the nightstand drawer and got the lube. Without further ado, he coated his medium finger and entered Jack’s hole. The General gasped in surprise. Daniel began to work the muscle to stretch it.

“Mine,” he repeated.

Then he inserted a second finger and a third. When he hit Jack’s prostate, the General arched his back almost to the impossible.

“God, fuck… Jesus Christ!” he yelled out.

Daniel’s movements were careful enough not to cause harm, but far from gentle. This wasn’t about tender love, not today. This was about need, claim, and possession. Daniel removed his fingers, took Jack by his hips, and aimed his cock. He entered him slowly at first, but the thrusts quickly became fast and hard. Every hit to Jack’s gland sent the General to the edge. Although always passionate, Daniel used to be a gentle lover, but at the moment he was releasing all his pain and misery in every thrust.

“Oh, God, baby, yeah, harder, harder,” Jack panted, lost in the unexpected pleasure. He grabbed his own cock and began to pump it at the same rhythm as the thrusts.

“Mine… mine… mine…” Daniel repeated as a mantra, panting hard with every thrust. He pushed and pushed until he felt his balls tighten painfully and shot his seed inside his lover. He spasmed again and again until he was completely spent. At the same time, Jack’s last pump sent reams of cum to his lover’s stomach and he convulsed under the power of the orgasm.

Daniel collapsed over Jack’s body and held him possessively. After some seconds the older man felt something dampening his chest.

“Danny?”

The only answer was a muffled sniff.

“Danny, look at me.”

Daniel tried to pull away from Jack but the older man held him by the arm. The archaeologist looked away but the General grabbed his chin and lifted his head. Fresh thick tears were rolling down his cheeks.

“Aw, Danny…” Jack said sadly. He moved his hand and gently stroke his lover’s scalp.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I… I…” Daniel’s lower lip was quivering noticeably.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Jack tried to reassure him.

“No, it’s not ok, it's not… God, I don’t know what got into me, I'm… I'm sorry…” Daniel said, a trace of fear in his voice.

“Hey, don’t dare to apologize, you hear me? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“How can you say that? I forced you!”

“Hey, ex-special ops here. Do you think you could force me into something I didn’t want?” Jack smirked. He moved to find a more comfortable position and winced.

When Daniel saw Jack’s grimace his eyes widened in horror. “Oh, God, I hurt you, I…I hurt you!”

“Nothing I didn’t deserve, believe me,” Jack snorted.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Daniel repeated.

“Daniel, stop apologizing, will you? I'm ok, you didn’t hurt me, maybe I'll be a little sore for a while but it’s ok, I'm ok. Actually, that was… wow.” He brought Daniel’s lips to his and kissed him passionately.

“I love you, Danny. More than anything. I never stopped and I never will. And I swear I'll spend the rest of my life making up to you for my stupidity.”

“God, I love you too, Jack. So much that it hurts.”

Jack cupped his lover’s face with both hands and stared at him with warm eyes shining with love. He tenderly brushed the tears away and then captured his lips in a gentle, slow, and long kiss. Daniel kissed him back with the same kindness, already forgotten the need for control.

“How can I not love you?” Daniel said in a low voice. “You care for me in a way nobody did before, my parents excluded. Yes, you made a mistake, but not one I didn’t do myself before. If I kissed Ke'ra after Sha're died, God knows what I'd do if I lost you. You told me once that human beings grieve in really stupid ways. And as you said, I don’t like what you did, but I can understand.”

Jack Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably as he swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve such an amazing lover, but he swore to himself that he’d never, never screw it up again.

“And as I repeatedly proved, any day can be the last one,” Daniel continued. So I'm not going to waste my time dwelling on your actions. But don’t take me for granted either,” he warned with a serious expression, “because I may not be so understanding the next time.”

Jack shook his head effusively. “It won’t be a next time, I swear, I swear. I’d rather die than hurt you again.” He embraced his lover tightly and finally let go the tears he had been holding during the last two weeks. Daniel rocked him while he cried his grief, fear, shame, and guilt.

***

The next morning Jack woke up wrapped in 180 pounds of archaeologist and a lightness in his heart. God, how he had missed this. More than never he felt overwhelmed by the deep love he felt for this man. How could he hurt him so badly? He'd never forgive himself. He'd have to learn to live with that.

Daniel began to stir, and bright blue eyes opened lazily. He smiled when his gaze met Jack’s chocolate orbs.

“Mmm… m'rning,” he slurred drowsily.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Jack mirrored the smile and captured his lips in a kiss.

“Mmmmm, morning breath,” Daniel protested pushing his lover away.

“I don’t care,” was Jack only reply before he returned to the business at hand, or rather at mouth.

They kissed slow and gently at the beginning to end up sharing a long, intense, passionate kiss.

“Shower?” Daniel suggested.

“Lead the way,” Jack grinned.

***

After a round of, this time, gentle lovemaking under the water spray, the two lovers were sitting in the kitchen enjoying their breakfast.

“I've been thinking,” Jack said, and took a mouthful of Froot Loops.

“About?”

“You, me, the SGC, the whole Brigadier General thing.”

“And?” Daniel said impatiently, his waffles momentarily forgotten.

“I'm done. For good this time.” Jack stated firmly.

“But Jack!”

“Before you start to protest hear me out, ok?” the General lifted a finger to silence his lover. “I didn’t say anything before because the truth is, I dismissed the idea at the beginning.” Jack took a deep breath before continuing. “General Hammond contacted me some weeks ago. He’s going to retire, and he recommended me to take his place as commander of Homeworld Security. I'm thinking of taking the post.”

All color drained from Daniel’s face. He lost the grip of his fork, which fell and clattered loudly against his plate.

“But Jack, this… this is… in Washington.” He tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat but to no avail.

“It wouldn’t be permanent, maybe let’s say, the time you need to explore Atlantis thoroughly? Some months? A year tops?” the General smiled.

“At-At-Atlan-ti-tis?” Daniel stammered before freezing open-mouthed stunned.

Jack’s smile changed to a full grin. Daniel looked at him bewildered.

“You… you agree that… that I go to… to Atlantis?”

Jack took his lover’s hand in his own. “It’s your dream, Danny. How many times have you chased me along the SGC corridors asking to go?” he asked sympathetically. “You deserve it, and I've been a selfish son of a bitch. So if you want to go, you have all my support.”

“But… but… I don’t want to leave you,” the younger man replied with a tremulous voice.

“You’re not leaving me, baby. And neither do I. But after this last scare, I reached my limit, Danny. I can’t keep sending you into the lion’s den. I just can’t. We agreed on going on for a few months more and look what happened. You… died.” Jack shuddered to the memory. “So many situations, so many… losses. I really need a break, so do you. And I trust us, Danny. I trust our love. I know our feelings won’t lessen an inch because of the distance.”

“Just for some months?” Daniel asked tentatively.

“As long as you want, “ Jack replied.

“And then?”

“Then we'll see,” Jack said. “I can retire or we can find any other solution that lets us live together. Whatever we do, we’ll do it together.”

“You'll be safe at Washington, won’t you? I'll only go if I’m sure that you will be safe there,” Daniel said anxiously.

“Baby, I'll be flying a desk. What can be safer than that? The replicators are gone. The Goa'uld are defeated. There isn’t any imminent threat.

Daniel stared at his lover intently and studied the message in his eyes. He saw honesty in Jack’s gaze, and also love and commitment. Slowly, his lips curved into a smile.

“Ok. Ok,” he said. “Wow. I'm going to Atlantis. Wow.” He grinned one of these rare grins that lightened his face like a kid that has got a puppy on his birthday. “God, Jack, I love you so much.”

Both men stood at the same time and hugged tightly.

“The Dedalus leaves in one month,” Jack told his lover, carding his hair gently.

“One month. Wow. God, Jack, I'm going to miss you so much.” Daniel buried his face in the hollow of the General’s neck.

“Nah!” he said. “You'll forget about me at the first translation.”

Daniel let out a laugh. “Never, never, Jack.”

“I'll miss you too, baby, and be ready because when you come back, you’ll be stuck with me forever.”

They kissed passionately for several minutes, the breakfast definitely forgotten on the table. Suddenly something kicked into Daniel’s brain and pulled away.

“Jack, what about SG-1? Sam? Teal’c?

“Well, they can choose to go on and add a new third or they can go their own way, too. Teal’c is quite committed with all that new Jaffa nation thing. As for Carter, he may finally have the time to play with her naquada reactors/doohickies/whatever.”

“I'll miss you all,” said Daniel sadly. You’re my family, I could never be away from you all permanently. To me, you’re my husband, Jack, and Sam and Teal’c are the siblings I never had.”

“Yeah, I'll miss them too. But it’s not like we’re going to lose contact forever. It just won’t be on a daily basis.” They kissed briefly and started to clear the table. “Hey, what do you think if you, me, Carter, and Teal’c go for some days at the cabin? Like a team big farewell party?” Jack said lying his bowl in the kitchen sink.

“I think this is a great idea,” Daniel agreed, “as long as you don’t let Sam do the cooking,” he teased with a grin.

Jack mirrored the grin and reached out a hand a ruffled his lover’s hair, just at the top of his head. Suddenly, the archaeologist froze and his eyes filled with fear. He dropped the plate of half-eaten waffles he was carrying and it shattered against the floor.

Jack, immediately noticing Daniel’s distress, grabbed his face firmly trying to make eye contact, but the archaeologist was staring blankly at an invisible spot in the wall.

“Danny, baby, hey, what’s wrong?” the General asked with concern. Since the younger man didn’t move, Jack pated his cheeks slightly. “Daniel? Hey, Danny!”

The archaeologist blinked several times as if waking up from a dream.

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“You tell me, I touched your hair and you froze,” Jack frowned in concern.

“Oh, yeah, sorry… hmm… it’s just…hmm… we were talking about Sam and I… I think I had a bit of hmm… flashback.”

“Oh, crap. Carter’s evil twin?” Jack asked.

Daniel nodded uncomfortably and looked away. She did that, you know… the entering inside my mind thing.” He signaled at his head, mimicking the movement.

“Crap. I'm so sorry. Damnit, I'll never forgive myself.”

“Jack, it's not your fault.”

“The hell it isn’t! Maybe she kidnapped you, but I… we, your family, shit, we killed you when we shot that weapon in Dakara! How can it not be my fault? I command the SGC, thus the responsibility to shot the weapon was totally mine. If it hadn’t been for Oma…”

“Jack, hey, hey, you didn't kill me. She did.”

“What do you mean *she did*?”

“I didn’t die because of the Ancients’ weapon,” Daniel explained. “I was already dead when you shot it. She killed me. The replicator. I don’t remember the details, but Oma told me she killed me when she realized I had gained control of her.”

“You died alone. Again.” Jack closed his eyes as a big wave of sadness engulfed him. He tried to stop the rush of memories of a younger Daniel, with his chest blown up, left alone to die in Klorel’s ship.

The General again pulled his lover into a tight embrace. Daniel wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist and rested his head in the older man’s shoulder. They stood like that for several minutes. They could feel the other’s heartbeat against their ribcage. They reassured themselves with the movements of the other’s chest expanding and contracting with every breath. They inhaled their unique scent. And they stayed there, just acknowledging the signals that told them they were both alive and well.

When they broke the embrace, Jack cupped his lover’s jaw and brushed his cheekbone tenderly.

“I love you, Dr. Jackson, more than anything,” he said softly.

“I love you too, General O’Neill,” Daniel replied, his eyes glistening with gratitude and love.

“Will you be comfortable with this? I mean, at the cabin, with Sam. Maybe it’d be better if we go there alone, just you and me.”

“Jack, she is not the one who killed me. A replicator wearing Sam’s face killed me. But it wasn’t her. It wasn’t my friend.”

“Daniel, I’ve seen you flinch when she is around.”

“Ok, I admit I had some involuntary reactions when she caught me unaware. I guess it’s a subconscious thing. But I’m ok, really. I know the replicator is dead, and Sam is our Sam, my friend.”

“Ok, ok,” Jack kissed him on the lips briefly.

Then Daniel’s eyes widened as he remembered something. “Oh, Jack, shouldn’t, hmm, shouldn’t we invite Pete also?”

“Ow,” Jack replied with a grimace.

“What?”

“They broke,” the General stated.

“What?”

“They broke the engagement,” Jack clarified.

“What?!”

“Stop saying *what*, for crying out loud, It’s me who usually do the confusing thing.”

“Oh, hmm, sorry, but… why? They were going to marry, I mean, they loved each other, didn’t they? What happened?”

“I don’t know. Exactly. You better ask her,” Jack replied nervously. “No! You better don’t ask her. I mean! Agh, what a mess!”

“Jack, what aren’t you telling me? Daniel asked, a new feeling of dread set in the pit of his stomach.

Jack looked away and sighed.

“Jack!” Daniel grabbed his lover’s face and forced eye contact. “Jack. What-are-you-not-te-lling-me? He asked stressing every syllable.

Jack sighed again, long and loud. “Do you remember when Janet died, when I told you I had the gut feeling that Carter had the hots for me?”

“Oh, God,” Daniel paled. “Did she tell you anything?”

“No, not really. But… she came to see me at home. And she told me she was having second thoughts about the wedding, that she needed to tell me something, and…”

“And?” Daniel insisted.

“And then Kerry Johnson came into the scene.” Jack swallowed at the expression of jealousy and disappointment that momentarily darkened his lover’s face.

“And?” Daniel repeated.

“And nothing, she received a call from the SGC about Jacob and she had to go. But Kerry isn’t stupid, you know? Women notice this kind of thing. How the hell do they do that, anyway?”

“Jack! You’re losing the point here!” Daniel was exasperated. Sometimes trying to make Jack talk about that kind of stuff was worse than pulling out a wisdom tooth.

“Oh, sorry. Well, the thing is that she, I mean Kerry, she read between the lines and she understood that Carter, well, that it may be, might be… true that she has…hmm, inappropriate feelings for… hmm, me.”

“Did she tell you like that?” Daniel asked with a frown.

“No, not exactly. But she was pretty specific, anyway.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. And do you remember I told you before that Kerry noticed that my heart wasn’t with her? That she left me because of that? She thinks I’m in love with Carter,” Jack winced.

“Fuck,” Daniel repeated.

“Yeah, Johnson suggested I should retire for her.”

“Oh, God,” realization struck into the archaeologist. “Do you mean Sam left Pete for you? And she has the hope that you love her too?”

“I’m sorry,” Jack said softly.

“Why? It’s not your fault. You never told Sam you love her,” Daniel stroke his lover's cheek. “Wait,” he frowned. “It IS your fault!” He shoved Jack.

“What? How?”

“You should have talked to her time ago, Jack. You didn’t tell her that you love her, but you didn’t deny it either. You allowed her to believe in her fantasy, even suspecting she had feelings for you.”

“Agh, Daniel, I can’t even imagine talking to her about that sort of… stuff. I rather confront a platoon of Jaffa unarmed,” Jack groaned.

“You must do it, Jack. And you know it. I love her like a sister, and you’re hurting her. She deserves the truth.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“Ok, ok, you’re right. I’ll talk to her, I promise.”

***

**_Minnesota, one week later_ **

“This is great,” Sam said from the small deck chair she was resting on.

“I told you,” Jack replied from his similar position on the small jetty, fishing rod in hand.

“Can’t believe we didn’t do this years ago,” Sam smiled, inhaling the fresh and clean air of Minnesota.

“Yes, well, let’s not dwell,” the General replied while reeling his empty rod.

“There are no fish in this pond, are there?”

“Nope,” Jack replied shortly.

Sam laughed as Daniel and Teal’c appeared from behind the cabin carrying a cooler and two folding chairs. Jack nearly hit his lover when he threw back the fish hook before throwing it to the pond again. The archaeologist ducked and glared at his lover in reprimand.

“Nice,” Jack said as the hook hit the water.

Daniel and Teal’c unfolded the chairs. Then Daniel opened the cooler, grabbed a beer, opened it, and offered it to his lover.

“Thanks, Danny,” Jack smiled as he took the bottle.

The archaeologist glared at him again and shook his head discreetly pointing at Sam. Jack mouthed a silent *I know* and tried to concentrate on the fishing again.

They had arrived at Jack’s cabin the day before, and Daniel was annoyed because a week after their conversation, Jack still hadn’t talked to Sam about the pending issue. He knew his lover felt very uncomfortable about the matter, but both realized that since Sam was invited to the trip, she was flirting openly with Jack. The General couldn't postpone the talk any longer. He needed to clear things before Sam got hurt further and the friendship became insurmountable.

Daniel gave a beer to Sam, who smiled her thanks and took another one for himself. Then he sat on his chair next to the cooler.

“I still don’t understand the satisfaction of doing nothing but to wait for the unlikely appearance of unexisting fish, O’Neill.”

“Oh, c'mon Teal’c,” Sam answered for the General. “This is great, the quietness, being surrounded by friends without worrying about an unexpected attack. A bit of peace for a change.”

“You see, T, my friend?” Jack agreed. “The lady knows what she’s talking about.”

Sam smiled at him openly and Daniel had to swallow the bile that burned his throat when the smile was followed by the bat of her eyes.

“So, as there isn’t any chance of picking anything more than a cold, what if we double the bet and go for a swim?” Daniel suggested.

“Are you nuts?!” Jack exclaimed. “At this time of the year? Do you have any idea how cold the water is?”

“Nope,” Daniel replied, “but I'm going to find out.” And he got up and started walking towards the cabin.

“Daniel! Are you seriously…?”

“Chicken,” Daniel singsonged on his way. And they both knew he wasn’t talking just about the swimming thing.

“I'll give you chicken,” Jack muttered. He got up and ran towards his lover, who had already disappeared inside the cabin. He found the archaeologist rummaging among his clothes, looking for his trunks.

“What was that about?” Jack asked.

“My question exactly!” Daniel replied, visibly annoyed.

“What?” Now Jack was at a loss.

“Jack, you were supposed to tell her about your feelings, or rather the lack of them, not encouraging her fantasy,” Daniel stated firmly.

“I did not.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Didn’t.”

“Did.”

“Didn’t.”

“Yes, you did, Jack. She’s been flirting openly for a week and you’ve been laughing her wisecracks and showing your dimples every time she bats her eyelashes.”

“I don’t have dimples. You do.” Jack grinned at the memory of his lover's beautiful and rare smile.

“Jack, focus!” Daniel ordered. “The point is that you’re acting unusually nice, and she thinks you’re going to jump her bones at any moment.”

“I don’t do that on purpose,” Jack tried to defend himself.

“Just stop it before you do irreparable damage.”

“How am I going to stop it if I don’t even realize I'm doing it?”

“Just pay a bit of attention, ok? It won’t be difficult, she’s practically flirting the whole time.”

“I'm sorry,” Jack sighed. “It’s just… I've been avoiding the issue cause… I don’t know, I guess I’m afraid of losing her friendship. You know I care for her a lot. And Jacob’s death is so recent…”

“I know, I know you don’t want to hurt her, but Jack, she left her fiancé because of her feelings for you. She deserves the truth.”

Jack's shoulders slumped in defeat. “You’re right. I'm hurting her right now, aren’t I?”

Daniel nodded with sadness.

“Ok, I'll talk to her later.” Jack encircled his lover’s waist. “I love you, you know?”

“So I've been told,” Daniel teased.

Their mouths melted in a tender kiss, and both men felt their cocks beginning to swell.

“Ok, now I need that cold bath,” Jack grinned.

“The last one is a rotten egg!” Daniel teased, holding his trunks.

One minute later, Daniel ran out of the cabin with Jack hot on his heels under the amused gaze of Sam and Teal’c. When the archaeologist arrived at the lakeshore and his feet came in contact with the cold water, he stopped cold on his tracks and stepped backward, colliding with Jack.

“Wow, Huckleberry Finn,” the General teased. “What, the water from Minnesota is all of a sudden too cold for you?”

“Damn, it’s frozen!” Daniel pushed backward trying to escape the tiny waves.”

“Who's the chicken now, huh?” And like that, Jack tackled his lover, hoisted him onto his shoulder, and ran toward the water.

“Jack! No! Don’t you dare! Daniel protested.

The older man's response was to throw him to the water. Daniel landed with a big splash and Jack quickly dove next to him.

“Jaaaack! I hate you!” Daniel splashed water to his lover in vengeance.

Both men ended up splashing and laughing out loud like little kids, clearly enjoying the game.

Sam and Teal’c observed the scene from their chairs. The Jaffa smiled, pleased to see his friends alive and enjoying each other’s company. It had been a tough year for Daniel Jackson, with a lot of scares that had ultimately concluded in his last death. Teal’c knew the deep bond of love that linked his teammates, or rather former teammates. He was sure that the imminent departure of O’Neill to Washington and Daniel to Atlantis wouldn’t lessen their bond at all.

On the other hand, Sam was watching the scene with a mixture of amusement and jealousy. There had always been a special bond between the two men. She never really understood why, despite their evident antagonism, they always seemed to relate to each other in a way she never did. It occurred to her that luckily Daniel was male, otherwise, she could be facing a rival.

“Wow, were did that thought come from,” Sam muttered to herself.

“Are you unwell, MajorCarter?” Teal’c asked seeing a momentary frown shadowing Sam's face. He was well aware of the Major intentions with O'Neill. One had to be blind for not noticing the increasing flirt. The Jaffa just hoped that the General would be wise enough to control the situation before someone got hurt.

“I'm ok, Teal’c,” she said forcing a smile. “Looks like they’re having fun, don’t they?”

“Indeed,” the Jaffa agreed.

Jack and Daniel chose that moment to swim towards the jetty.

“Carter, Teal’c! C'mon, don’t you want to join us? The water is good!” Jack said while waving his hands in invitation.

“Don’t believe him, guys!” Daniel warned, “It’s frozen! I think I made my point. My kingdom for a towel!” he shouted while swimming to shore.

“Oh, no, you don’t!” Jack chased him and grabbed by the ankle, initiating a new round of splashes.

“Jaaaaaack!” the archaeologist struggled, causing a new round of laughs.

Jack’s heart swelled. After Daniel’s last ordeal, hearing him laughing like that was music to his soul. It didn’t escape to him Sam’s awkward expression. Damnit, there wasn’t any point in trying to avoid the issue. Daniel was right. He needed to talk to her before that went too far. Shit, it had gone too far already, since the moment she broke up with Pete.

Finally, the two lovers left the water and run to the cabin for a couple of towels.

“Did I ever tell you how I love your laugh?” Jack said, his eyes bright with joy.

Daniel just looked at him. A big smile sculpted deep dimples in his cheeks. Jack loved those little holes, proof of his lover’s happiness. They stared at each other for a long moment. Their eyes talked about deep love and commitment, and no words were needed. They dressed up and went back to join their friends at the deck.

***

**_Later that evening_ **

Jack knew the moment had arrived. The temperature had risen during the afternoon, and they had dinner on the porch. Once they finished the last drinks and coffee, Daniel saw a window of opportunity.

“Teal’c, will you help me doing the dishes?” he asked his Jaffa friend.

“I will assist you with pleasure, DanielJackson,” Teal’c replied bowing his head.

“Oh, I can help also,” Sam said eagerly. “It’s not like I cooked or anything, so…”

“No, no,” the archaeologist interrupted. “Teal’c and I have it covered. You two just relax and… enjoy the… hmm, sunset.” He gave his lover a complicity smile and together with Teal’c they carried the plates, glasses, and cutlery inside.

“This place is great, Sir,” Sam said looking around. “I see why you like to hide here from time to time.”

“Yeah, one day it will be a good place to retire,” he smiled, imaging for a moment an older Daniel and himself lying lazily on the deck’s chairs.

“Re- retire, Sir?” Sam asked nervously.

_*Shit, I think this is what Daniel was talking about*,_ Jack thought seeing her expression _. *Did it sound like encouragement?*_ he mentally groaned _. *This is going to be more difficult than I thought.*_

“Carter, hmm…” he cleared his throat,” the sunset looks really nice near the lake. Do you want to, uh…?” he signaled the direction of the wooden deck.

Sam’s heart began to pound harder. She had got the feeling that the moment she had been expecting all those years had finally arrived. “Yes, hmm, yes, of course, I'd like that,” he smiled with bright eyes full of hope.

The walked to the jetty and stood near the edge.

“You were right, Sir, the way the sun lights the water, it’s beautiful.” She looked at him with expectation. * _C'mon,_ * she thought, * _now it’s the moment when he says: No, Sam, YOU are beautiful._ *

Then the moment passed and the words didn’t come.

“Carter, hmm, we need to talk,” the General said.

“Yes, I think we do, Si… hmm, Jack.”

“Jack…” he pointed out the use of his first name basis.

“Sorry, Sir… I… hmm…” she stammered.

“No, no, Jack it’s ok, actually it’s quite, hmm, appropriated considering the subject I want to talk you about.” Jack mentally kicked himself as soon as the words left his mouth. * _I can’t believe I did it again,_ * he thought. * _No wonder the girl is confused. God, she’s going to kill me._ *

“Carter, I…”

He stopped abruptly when he felt her lips pressing on his, her hands resting on his shoulders. He stiffed for a moment until his brain put the pieces together and realized what was happening. Sam was kissing him. When he noticed that she was trying to deepen the kiss, he finally reacted. He grabbed her by the wrists and pushed her away gently, as he stepped backward, breaking the kiss.

“Carter, I…” he repeated.

“Carter,” she frowned in confusion. Still not Sam.

“Carter,” he repeated, hoping that she got the hint, “I'm sorry but I, huh…”

Sam stared at him, confusion written all over her face. “But… but you love me,” she said deepening her frown.

“No, well yes, but not this way,” Jack replied in a rush. “I’m sorry.” He looked away for a moment. * _Here we go, the torpedo is out,_ * he thought.* _Brace for impact in three, two, one…_ *

“But you said you loved me,” Sam insisted, feeling her heart breaking into a million pieces. This couldn’t be happening. All those years ago, the then Colonel had confessed his love publicly. Why was he denying it now?

“Is it for that woman, Kerry… Kerry Johnson?” she asked tentatively. What other explanation could it be? Maybe after all those years, the General had finally moved on. But no, no, she knew he hadn’t. The way he had comforted her when Jacob was dying, that happened just a few days ago. How could he say that he didn’t love her now?

“No. No, Johnson has nothing to do with this,” Jack stated sincerely.

“Then why? I don’t understand. You… you said you loved me,” she insisted. “That time, with the Za’tarc detector.” Her eyes wetted. She was utterly confused. The Za’tarc detectors couldn’t lie. Why was the General denying the evidence? She knew he loved her. There had been so many moments, moments of pain when she had seen that love in his eyes. “I know you love me, I can feel it here,” she patted her chest. “ God, I left Pete for you, I… I love you.” She was really upset now.

Jack sighed. He really cared for her and he hated seeing the pain and disappointment in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I just… I care for you deeply, but not that way. I think of you as a very good friend. More than that. You’re family. You, Daniel, and Teal’c.”

“Friend?” Sam frowned. “Like Daniel, and Teal’c?” Her lower lip began to quiver.“But Sir, that time, with the Za’tarc detector, you said… you said…”

“Carter, I said I care for you more than I should, and that’s true, I do, but I never said I was in love with you,” Jack said sadly, feeling his friend’s pain.  
“But you said that you’d rather die than losing me! ” she exclaimed. Now she was pissed, her face shadowed with crimson red.

“And it’s true, I'd die for you, and Daniel, and Teal’c too,” he said controlling the tone of his voice, trying to calm her down. “ You’re my family. I'll always protect your life by all means. I'm sorry you misunderstood it.”

Sam’s lower lip quivered harder and her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “But… but… all those moments… all that support when Janet died, when I was hurt, when my father died… that was love,” she insisted.

“The same support I gave Daniel or Teal’c when they needed it.”

“No! You never hugged them like…!” She stopped when the realization hit her. Jack breaking Hammond's car window when they thought Daniel was death, the Spacemomkey hug at the Gateroom, all the touches, pats on Teal’c’s cheeks, shoulders and pounch, the disappearance of brightness in his eyes when Daniel died, his whole face lightening when he came back, the panic in his face every time one of them had been MIA… so many moments he showed his affection for his friends, for ALL his friends.

Sam closed her eyes and tried to digest the raw reality. And she thought of the fantasy she had when she had been trapped in the Prometheus. And she realized it had been just that: a fantasy. A fantasy the General didn’t have any idea about. She realized how her own mind, incited by her desire, had been interpreting things according to her wish. But nothing about that was real. Jack didn’t love her. It all had been a fantasy, and she’d have to deal with that. She was an adult. And a smart one. She would deal with that and in time she’d be ok. But anyway, there was something she needed to know.

“Is there anyone?” Sam asked him.

“Carter…” Jack warned.

“Your wife, Sara? You still love her, don’t you?”

“Carter,” Jack repeated the warning firmly.

“I'm sorry, Sir, it’s none of my business.”

“No, it isn’t,” he said. “But yes, I’m with someone.”

She felt how the last piece of her heart broke. She felt betrayed in some way. Jack loved someone else. Sara. It had to be Sara, his ex-wife. Who else? There wasn’t any hope. She nodded weakly and swallowed the lump in her throat.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before,” he said.

“You knew? About my feelings for you?” she asked with a trace of reproach.

“Honestly?”

“Please.”

“I suspected something after Janet died, but you were with Peter then so no, not really. Actually, hmm, it was Kerry who gave me a clue,” he winced slightly.

“She noticed. When I came to your house. I was obvious, wasn’t I?”

“Well, not for me, but apparently you were for her,” Jack shrugged.

“You men can be so oblivious,” she sighed and brushed her wet eyes with the heels of her hands. “Great, now I feel like a stupid teenager with a crush on her teacher.”

“You are anything but stupid, Carter. And I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“It’s ok, it’s not your fault, Sir. I misread the signals clearly. I… I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“Are we good?” he asked.

She bit her lower lip and nodded weakly. “I just… I need to be alone for a while, you know, to, hmm…”

Jack nodded. “Ok. Don’t stay long, it gets really chilly after sunset here.” He started to walk towards the cabin as Sam slumped on the deck chair and finally let silent tears roll down her face.

***

When he came into the cabin, Jack found Daniel and Teal’c drying the dishes.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey,” the archaeologist replied in the same tone.

“Can we talk?” Jack asked.

“I'll go to kel'no'reem so you can have the privacy you require,” Teal’c said, and went to his room, leaving his friends alone.

Despite the fact that the cabin only had two rooms, the organization of the accommodation had been quite easy. Jack had offered Sam and Teal'c the rooms, while he and Daniel had stayed in the living room, the general on the couch, and Daniel on a spare folding cot. Although they had agreed to be discreet during the holidays, that arrangement let them steal some furtive kisses and touches during the night.

Jack grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge while Daniel finished the last dish. Then both men sat on the couch.

“So, how did it go?” the archaeologist asked while taking his beer and nodding his thanks.

“Man, she’s going to be royally pissed when she finds out about us,” Jack whispered.

“Why, what did you tell her?” Daniel mimicked the whisper.

“For starters, we were right. She does have the hots for me. So I played the family card. You know, we are all family, I care for you as much as for Daniel and Teal’c, yadda, yadda, yadda.” The General slumped heavily against the cushion on his back.

“Ouch,” the younger man said gravely.

“Yeah, my thoughts exactly.” Jack took a large gulp. “It’s been the most awkward conversation in my life. I never, never want to go through that again.”

“Why are we whispering?” Daniel asked innocently.

“I left her on the jetty. She can come at any moment. I don’t want her to find out about us the hard way.”

“Oh, ok. So, how did she take it?” Daniel asked with concern. He hated when any member of his family was hurting, and he was sorry he couldn’t do anything to soften Sam’s pain. And not just that. The day she found out about his relationship with Jack, she would probably feel hurt even deeper.

“I think she’s gonna be ok,” the older man reassured his lover. “She was pissed for a while, but I think she understood it.”

“I hate this,” Daniel said with sadness. “I really hope one day she finds someone. Maybe she can fix things with Pete.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Jack took another gulp.

***

Meanwhile, sitting on her little deck chair, Sam tried to put her feelings and thoughts in order. Her scientific mind needed to understand what had happened to be able to cope. It was funny how someone who could feel completely confident handling a naquada generator could feel her hands shaking at the thought of matters of the heart. Surprisingly, once she was able to be sincere with herself, the pieces fitted by themselves easily.

She realized she had been using the General as a safety net. On the one hand, there was the fear of loss. She had loved her mother and had lost her too soon. He had loved her father and brother, and they had had a distant relationship for many years. Love hurt. So he had chosen the one she knew didn’t have any chance with. This way she was safe. As long as her heart was busy with Jack, there was no risk of letting someone else enter and getting hurt. She had done it so many times before, always feeling attracted to those who deep inside she knew were impossible relationships: Jonas Hansen, Narim, Martouf, Orlin, even Joe Faxon… always attracted to what she feared the most, the loss. How contradictory was that? It was funny the way the human mind worked.

However, like any other human being, deep inside she longed for love and here is when she brought her fantasy with the General out of proportion. He was right. He never said he was in love with her. But she had been so believing after the Za’tarc incident years ago, that since then, she had misunderstood every glance, every touch, every word of comfort. It hadn’t been difficult to fall into her own trap. After all, he was handsome and charming, and the finest officer she ever had the pleasure to serve with, but if she had to be honest with herself, they had less than nothing in common, at least not enough to build a solid relationship.

Besides, Jack was an obstinate and determined man. If he had loved her, he would have found the way to be together despite the regulations. She thought about the alternate Sams they had met years ago. He had let herself be fooled by them. She wasn’t them, and the General wasn’t their Jack. And either way, one of them was dead, and the other one was a widower. Looks like they weren’t destined to have a *happily ever after*, either.

Then her mind wandered to her experience in the Prometheus last year. The whole conversation with Jack had been a figment of her imagination, and yet she had acted as if it had been real. And then her need to be loved had become a priority. And of course, Jack didn’t feel up to it, he never did. With Pete, she had thought she had finally found what she was looking for, what everyone was looking for. A chance to build her own family. Until the moment he showed her the house and mentioned the dog. At that very moment, what had been a sort of fuzzy dream, became real all of a sudden.

To marry Pete meant no more fantasies with Jack, therefore no more safety net. To marry Pete meant a leap in the dark. And here it came her other issue. Her career. Her job was more important to her than anything. She was proud of her progress, and she wanted more. What if she had kids? The single idea to trade gate travel or her investigations for diapers changing sent shivers down her spine. After all, what was preparing baby food compared to blowing up a sun? Did she really want a family, or was she just following the path of what was supposed to be? She wasn’t so sure anymore. At that moment she wasn’t sure what she really wanted. God, she had been playing with the feelings of two good men just to escape her insecurities.

She stood up and walked steadily towards the cabin.

***

Jack and Daniel were still on the couch when they heard Sam opening the front door.

“Hey, guys,” she said smiling tiredly.

“Hi, Sam, do you want to join us?” asked Daniel showing his beer and trying to sound naturally friendly.

“Hmm, actually… Sir, can I speak with you for a moment?”

“I… hmm, will go to join Teal’c,” Daniel said with an awkward grin. “It’s always a good time for kel’no’reeming.” And he left.

“Want a beer?” Jack asked Sam.

“No thank you, Sir. I, huh…” she sat on the couch next to him. “I want to apologize.”

“Carter, there is no need…” the General began.

“Please, Sir, let me say it,” the colonel interrupted. “I’ve been thinking about it and…” she sighed, “I’m sorry. You are right. I was caught in my own fantasy. The truth is that I’ve realized I’ve been using you as a shield. I’ve been unfair to you, Pete, and myself.”

“A shield?”

“Yeah, a bit of hero worship plus a few my own fears, and here we are. To be honest, I don’t feel very comfortable talking to you about this. Can we just forget about all this?”

“Ok. I just… I hope you find what you’re looking for,” he smiled sympathetically.

Thank you, Sir, me too,” she mirrored the smile.”Oh, and I wanted to add, it’s been a pleasure to serve under your command all those years. You’re the finest officer I’ve had the pleasure to work with. Just from… hmm, officer to officer, friend to friend. I will miss you, Sir.”

“You haven’t been a bad second in command yourself,” Jack smiled fondly.

“You see?” Sam said, “At another time, right now, I'd be thinking that you’re flirting with me. But now I realize it's just… you.”

“So, are we good?”

“Yes, Sir, we’re good.”

“C'm here,” he said and engulfed her in a friendly hug. And she had to admit that being held like that, knowing there weren’t ulterior motives in the touch, felt very, very good. She felt a weight lifting from her heart, and she smiled.

From Teal’c’s room door, two pairs of eyes watched the scene with contentment.

“Rest assured, DanielJackson, that ColonelCarter is going to be fine.”

“Yeah,” the archaeologist grinned. And he also felt the lightness in his heart.

“So!” Jack exclaimed breaking the hug, “Poker game? Who is in?”

***

**_Later that night_ **

The rest of the evening passed quite amicably. As usual, Teal’c beat them on the poker game, nothing surprising as he wore an almost constant poker face. Sam looked mainly relaxed, although from time to time her face betrayed her and showed traces of embarrassment, longing and disappointment.

On the other hand, Jack and Daniel couldn’t help to give each other some surreptitious glances. Now that the General had cleared things up, they didn’t feel comfortable hiding their relationship from Sam.

It was bedtime, and once the colonel and Teal’c went to their respective rooms, Jack approached Daniel’s cot to steal a furtive kiss.

“We need to tell Sam, Jack. We are not being fair to her.” Daniel whispered after licking his lips to capture his lover’s taste.

“Yeah, I know. She’s going to be pissed, you know it, don’t you?” the older man sighed.

“Yeah, I know. I'd rather face a bunch of replicators.”

“Don’t say it even as a joke,” Jack said, his eyes suddenly sad for the memory of his lover’s latest death.

“Sorry, sorry.” Daniel stroke the older man’s face tenderly and gave him a long and gentle kiss.

They spoke words of love and commitment and kissed and touched for some minutes more until Jack accommodated on his couch and they went to sleep.

***

_Excruciating pain traveled through every cell of Daniel’s body as Replicator Sam’s sword-shaped metal hand pierced his heart. Shock tremors began to shake his body, and he grunted in pain as she retracted the weapon, now dyed with the archaeologist’s blood. His legs buckled, and he fell on his knees before_ _slumping on the floor._ _He tried to crawl to get away from the monster wearing his friend's face, but there was nowhere to go. His ragged breath came in short gasps. Then numbness claimed him, and he couldn’t move anymore. His last thought before his eyes closed was for his lover._

_Jack, I love you. Please, forgive me._

Daniel gasped soundly and jerked awake, panting heavily, his hand clutching his chest. In no time Jack was at his side. He grabbed his lover’s face and forced eye contact.

“Danny, Danny! Hey, what’s wrong? He asked alarmed by the expression of terror on his lover’s face.

Daniel’s eyes ran around the room, unfocused, and he started to shake.

“Danny, look at me, hey, look at me!

Alerted by Jack’s loud voice, Sam and Teal’c stepped into the living room.

“O’Neill! Has something disturbed DanielJackson? Teal’c asked.

“Sir? Daniel, what’s wrong?” Sam added with concern. They both moved closed and saw their friend’s signs of distress.

Jack ignored them and continued concentrated on his lover, who was still panting hard.

“Danny, hey, look at me, it's ok, it was just a nightmare, look at me!”

Daniel’s eyes met briefly with Jack’s and the General could see the sheer terror written in them.

“Oh God, oh God…” Daniel said, almost choking with his own words.

Jack pulled him into a tight hug and rubbed his back in comfort.

“It’s ok, it's ok, you’re safe, you’re safe,” the General soothed him.

Seeing Jack hugging the archaeologist like that, Sam saw what he had meant before. Although he often tried to conceal it under his mask of a badass soldier, the General was a caring person, always ready to comfort those he cared about. Although that embrace was almost… she frowned as a silly thought crossed her mind, but she quickly dismissed it.

Little by little Daniel’s eyes stopped their wild tour around the room and began to show signs of recognition. His breathing evened eventually, but he went on shaking. Sam went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water, and Teal’c adopted a guardian posture, ready to intervene if he was needed.

“Hey, Danny, you with me?” Jack asked softly, pulling away.

Daniel swallowed a couple of times and nodded weakly.

“Night… nightmare,” he whispered.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jack asked while carding his hair.

“I… I don’t remember,” Daniel squinted his eyes in confusion, “I don’t remember…”

“Anything to do with the fact that you’re rubbing your chest?” Jack pointed at the movement.

Daniel looked down. He hadn’t even noticed he was doing it.

“I… I don’t know,” he said, tremors still running through his body. “I don’t remember… I just remember feeling… fear, pain, a lot of pain.”

Sam arrived with the glass of water and offered it to his friend. Daniel took it with shaking hands.

“Thanks,” he said before taking a couple of sips. Then he realized all his friends were around him.

“Sorry for waking you up. I'm ok, really. We better try to get some sleep, we don’t want to fall asleep with the fishing rod in our hand tomorrow, do we?” He tried to smile but looked more like a grimace.

“Are you sure you are well, DanielJackson? Teal’c asked for confirmation.

“Yes, yes, go, and sorry again for bothering you.”

“It was no bother, my friend.” The Jaffa bowed his head and went back to his room.

“Good night,” Sam said squeezing Daniel’s shoulder. And she left.

“You sure you're ok?” Jack asked carding his lover’s now sweaty hair. Daniel had had nightmares a couple of nights after returning from Oma's glowing café, and on both occasions, he hadn’t remembered the dream, but he had never had this reaction of terror before.

Daniel nodded.

“Is it ok if I hold you for a while?”

Another nod.

Jack engulfed his lover in his arms and rocked him back and forth slightly.

“I love you,” he whispered into his ear.

He felt the younger man relax into the embrace. After a few minutes, Daniel was sound asleep. Jack lowered him to the mattress gently and went to lie on the couch. A few minutes later, Morpheus claimed him too. They slept the rest of the night without incidents.

***

The next morning the four friends shared a copious breakfast and then they went for a walk in the forest around the cabin, Daniel’s nightmare totally forgotten. Jack told them about their grandparents, who had built the cabin and shared some stories about his youth holidays there.

Later, they sat on the jetty and tried, being *tried* the keyword, to catch some fish for lunch.

“Well, given the success,” Jack said, “steaks ok for everyone?”

"I'll make the salad," Sam said before pulling his empty fishing rod out of the water and heading toward the house.

“Don’t forget the beetroot!” Jack shouted from his position near the water. “You know how Teal’c loves it in the salad!

“Unlike cabbages, beetroots have an interesting texture and a delightful taste,” the Jaffa stated.

“Beetroot it is!” Sam shouted back.

Daniel chuckled, happy that things were easy again between Jack and Sam. It kinda reminded him of the early years of SG-1. God, he was going to miss them all during his stay on Atlantis.

“What?” Jack asked noticing the pleasant smile on his lover’s face.

“Nothing, just thinking how lucky I am of being a part of this family,” Daniel smiled.

“Indeed,” said Teal’c mirroring his friend smile.

“Yeah,” Jack agreed with a grin. Damnit, he was going to miss those moments.

The three of them looked at the shimmering water for a while, just enjoying the closeness.

“C’mon T,” Jack said, “help me to prepare the barbeque.”

“Hey, why do I never get to play with the fire?” Daniel whined.

Jack arched his eyebrows and gave him a smug look.

"I'll go help Sam with the salad," the archaeologist lowered his head in defeat before starting to walk towards the cabin.

***

Daniel found Sam slicing the beetroot on the kitchen counter.

“Hey, Sam,” he said cheerfully. “What can I do to help?”

“Hi, Daniel, didn’t the General let you help with the barbecue again.”

“Yeah, you know, same old same old. He keeps thinking I get hurt enough at work to risk an accident at home. I think I should be offended.”

Sam laughed at Daniel’s pout and then she got serious.“Can you blame him after the last scare?”

“No, I guess not,” Daniel sighed. “Let’s no talk about it, ok?” although the archaeologist was perfectly conscious that, although wearing the same face, the psychopath replicator wasn’t his friend, he didn’t feel comfortable talking to her about his last ordeal.

“Ok,” she smiled sadly.

“So, lunch, do you need any help?” Daniel quickly changed the subject.

“Can you reach me the bowl?” Sam asked.

“Which one? Where?” Daniel asked scanning the kitchen.

“The white one, on the shelf.” Sam turned around, reached out his hand, and pointed to the shelf behind the archaeologist. The hand that was holding the knife. The knife that was dyed with deep crimson beetroot juice.

Daniel froze, his eyes glued to the knife. His face lost all color and he began to shake.

“Daniel, what’s wrong?” the colonel asked, noticing his friend’s sudden distress.

Daniel said nothing, his eyes open wide, still staring at the knife. Sam took a step toward her friend, the dripping knife held firmly in her hand.

“N-n-n-n-o, n-n-o…” Daniel stammered, fear written all over his face.

“Daniel?” Another tentative step.

“No!” he shouted, his shakes increasing. “Don’t come closer!”

“Daniel, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me,” said Sam deeply concerned.

“Nooo!!!” he shot off the kitchen and ran outside the cabin.

“Daniel!” Sam yelled, now truly worried. She threw away the knife on the kitchen sink and ran after her friend.

Once outside she was stopped by Jack, who after hearing the screams, had run to the house, Teal’c hot on his heels.

“Carter, Carter! What happened?!” he asked holding her shoulders.

“It's Daniel! I don’t know, we were talking and all of a sudden he froze and ran away!”

“Just like that?” Jack asked trying to find a sense to what she was saying.

“He seemed… terrified,” she explained.

“Terrified? Of what?” The colonel looked a bit unfocused and he shook her slightly.

“Of… of me, Sir.”

“Shit,” Jack muttered.

“Over there!” Teal’c pointed to the woods, where he had noticed movement between the bushes.

“Daniel!” Jack ran, his friends close behind him.

***

Daniel had left the cabin and started to run without direction, one single thought in his mind: run away from the monster wearing his friend’s face. God, the knife… the blood, no, not a knife, a sword, the blood, his blood. The blade piercing his chest. Hurting. Dying. No… no… He thought he had heard someone calling his name. He wasn’t going to fall into the trap. He needed to escape. The ship. Nowhere to go. Although this wasn’t a ship. It looked like a forest. Was she doing tricks in his mind again?

He couldn’t think. He could just feel. The fear. The pain in his chest. Oh, God, so much pain. And the feeling of failure. Again. Jack. Jack, I love you, please, forgive me.

Then he was falling. His foot had tripped over something and he was falling. Pain, this time in his head. Fighting, fighting for not losing consciousness. And all of a sudden someone holding his shoulders, shaking him, calling his name.

“No… noooo!”

“Daniel! Daniel, look at me! Look at me!” Jack exclaimed, holding his lover’s face in his hands.

“He seems caught in a sort of flashback,” Sam said.

“Ya think?” the General retorted sarcastically. “Daniel, hey, it’s me, Jack, look at me, you’re safe, you’re safe.”

The younger man’s eyes ran wildly in all directions, completely lost in his memory. He tried to push Jack away, but his movements were clumsy and weak and the general held him firmly. He was white as a sheet, panting heavily, sweating profusely and hard tremors shook his whole body. Thick blood was dripping from a gash in his forehead. He was the picture of terror.

“No, no! Get away from me!” Daniel yelled, his eyes bloodshot with fear. He tried to free himself from Jack’s grip but to no avail. His head hurt and he was dizzy.

“Carter, what were you doing when he froze?” Jack asked anxiously.

“I… I was slicing the beetroot, I… I asked him to reach me a bowl,” she replied, confused.

“Just that?”

“Yes, I… I… he couldn’t find it and I pointed at the shelf, that’s all. He stared at the knife and he froze.”

Jack’s mind quickly put two and two together. He was the only one besides Daniel that knew that Carter's evil twin had killed him in the ship. He started to have an idea about how.

“Daniel, listen to me, you’re not in the ship, you’re safe, you’re in Minnesota. Look at me, it’s Jack. C'mon Danny, look at me.” Jack’s voice softened and Daniel began to react. He finally looked at his lover, although his eyes were still unfocused.

“Ja… Jack?” he asked weakly.

“It’s us, Daniel, can you see us?” Sam asked softly.

_Ouch_ , Jack thought. Such a déjà vu from another time, from a memory of a padded cell, and Daniel looking as scared and lost as right now.

The archaeologist caught a glimpse of Sam and suddenly began to hyperventilate, fell on his side, and threw up. Teal’c quickly kneeled next to him and held him before he hit the ground. Daniel retched while Jack ran soothing circles on his back.

“Easy, easy,” the General tried to calm down the distressed man. “We got you, you’re among friends. It's ok, you’re safe, you’re home, you’re home. She is not her, she is Sam, she’s your friend.”

Little by little Jack’s words found its way to Daniel’s mind. After a few minutes of dry heaves, his breathing began to even. Home. He was home. Jack. He was in Minnesota. Jack’s cabin. Teal’c and Sam were with them. Sam. She was Sam. She was his friend, not the monster that had killed him. He was home. He was safe. Not dying. Alive. Safe.

“Better?” Jack asked tentatively.

Daniel nodded weakly. “Head hurts,” he said.

“Yeah, you tripped while running and hit your head. We need to go back to the cabin and patch you up.”

He tried to sit upright and Teal’c helped him. He realized Jack was sitting in front of him, his face a mixture of fear and relief.

“You have to stop scaring me like that, you know? I'm not sure my heart can take much more. Sure my hair can’t.” He cupped his lover’s face and brushed his cheek tenderly. Their eyes locked.

“Oh, God, Jack,” Daniel’s voice cracked. “I remember. I remember everything.” His face crumpled and a tear escaped the corner of his eye.

“What?”

“She… the replicator, she wanted to access my knowledge of the Ancients, but I… I entered in her mind instead and I… she…”

“Hey, hey, it’s over, you’re safe now.” Jack carded Daniel’s hair with loving movements.

“I… I took control of the replicator blocks, and I got free,” the archaeologist continued, his voice barely a whisper. I wanted to stop her, but then, then… God…” He squeezed his eyes shut trying to erase the memory.

“Shhh, shhh,” Jack continued his soothing gestures.

“She… her hand morphed and turned into… into a sword and… God, she… she pierced my heart.”

Sam gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. All of a sudden everything had sense. The crimson red on the kitchen knife had clearly triggered Daniel’s flashback. And of all people, she was the one holding the knife. Could fate be crueler to Daniel?

“God, Jack, it hurt so much, I thought… I thought I had failed you all.” Daniel launched himself at his lover’s arms.

The older man held him and rocked him back and forth while he cried his fear and pain.

Sam looked at the scene bewildered. That wasn’t an exchange between friends. The realization struck her like a cargo train. She looked at Teal’c, who just bowed his head in acknowledgment.

“Oh my God,” she whispered. “It’s Daniel, right? Your lover… is Daniel.” Her eyes wetted at the realization.

“Not now, Carter,” Jack said softly, not denying the evidence.

Sam’s mind was a turmoil. How had she could be so blind? The evidence had been there all along. The answer was easy. She would have noticed if she hadn’t had her head stuck in her own ass for so long. A rush of mixed feelings hit her. He felt betrayed, yes, angry, hurt, and betrayed for those who considered her best friends, her family. For a moment she felt raw hate for Daniel. It was because of him that Jack didn’t love her. He, the man she considered a brother. The naïve, mild-mannered geek was nothing more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing. That bastard. She could kill him right away, she could… The second realization struck her even harder, and she fled back to the cabin, tears streaming freely down her face.

“You take care of DanielJackson, O’Neill. I will deal with ColonelCarter,” Teal’c said firmly, and he ran after her.

Oblivious to his friend’s distress, Daniel continued sobbing bitterly, clutching on to his lover like a lifeline. Knowing that they were alone, Jack began to whisper soothing love words into his ear as he rubbed his back in comfort. When the archaeologist breathes started to even and the sobs subsided, Jack kissed his neck and shoulder. Finally, Daniel pulled away, his damp face the image of misery.

“Better?” Jack asked softly, cupping his face lovingly.

Daniel nodded weakly. “Sam?, Teal’c?” He croaked.

“They’re back to the cabin,” Jack answered. “She… hmm…”

Daniel stared at the General with interrogating eyes.

“She knows, Danny. About us.”

The younger man closed his eyes. He never wanted her to know it this way. He wanted to talk to her before their friendship was resented.

“I need to talk to her,” he said trying to get up and failing at the first try.

“Both you and I,” Jack agreed. “But first I have to patch your head. You have a nasty cut there.”

“Hurts,” Daniel confirmed. Fresh blood was running freely down the side of his face.

“I bet. C'mon.” Jack helped Daniel to get up, placed the younger man’s arm around his shoulder, and wrapped his waist to steady him. The archaeologist leaned against his lover and they walked or rather wobbled slowly towards the cabin.

***

Some minutes later, Daniel was sitting on the couch while Jack was treating his injury. Luckily the cut wasn’t too deep and a couple of butterfly strips kept the bleeding at bay. He took the two painkillers that his lover offered him.

“I need to talk to Sam,” Daniel insisted.

At that moment, the door of Sam's room opened, and both the Colonel and Teal’c stepped into the living room.

“Sam!” Daniel exclaimed. He tried to get up but Jack held him in his place. “Sam, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I reacted to you that way and I'm sorry you found out about us like that, so, so sorry.” His eyes wetted again at the sight of pain on his friend’s face. Her eyes were swollen and red-rimmed. She had obviously been crying.

Sam stopped a few feet in front of the two lovers. Teal’c remained at her side, giving his support. He had managed to convince her that the love between their two friends was genuine and that they never had any intention to hurt her.

“I… you… I don’t understand. You were both married. To… to women. Are… are you gay?” She was truly confused.

“I don’t know, I don’t think so,” Daniel answered. “It just happens that the person we love is a man. Does it matter?”

“How long?” She looked from one man to the other and this time was Jack who answered.

“We've loved each other since the first mission, but we didn’t act on it after the appendix attack.”

“I knew,” she whispered. “Somehow, I always knew.”

“You did?” both men asked in unison.

“All the touches, the glances, even the fights, it’s like… you’re always, I don’t know, looking for each other or something. There has always been something special, I just… I didn’t want to see it.” Her face crumpled and she looked away.

“I couldn’t tell you, you understand that, right?” Jack said. “It could have endangered your career.”

Sam nodded sadly.

“I'm so sorry, Sam,” Daniel repeated.

“No, Daniel, you don’t understand,” she said with a cracked voice.

“Sam?”

“I killed you!” she shouted.

Daniel looked at her open-mouthed stunned. Jack scowled. Both men stood up, the archaeologist wobbled slightly and the older man steadied him grabbing his upper arm.

“Sam, you didn’t kill me, it was the replicator, it wasn’t you.” He was confused.

“It was a replica of me, don’t you see it?” she said, fresh tears beginning to escape the corner of her eyes.

“Carter, you’re not making any sense,” Jack said. “You would never harm Daniel.”

“Wouldn’t I? How can you be so sure?” she said with a trace of bitterness in her voice.

“Sam, what are you saying?” the archaeologist asked with concern.

“Earlier, in the woods, when I realized you two were involved, God, Daniel, for a moment I hated you. I thought you were the reason why the General didn’t love me, I… for a moment I wanted to kill you.” Her voice broke at the last syllable and she took a deep breathe. “What if… what if there is a part of me that always hated you?” Tears were now running freely down her cheeks. “What if I've been jealous of you all along? I thought I was in love with the General and I envied that special treatment he always seemed to give only to you. Don’t you see it? She took that part of me and used it to kill you! I killed you, I killed you…”

Daniel took two big steps forward and wrapped her into his arms as she began to cry openly.

“Sam, you would never have hurt me. I know it. She wasn’t you, she wasn’t you,” he said softly but firmly.

“He’s right, Carter,” Jack stated. “She wore your face but, she was a machine programmed to kill.”

“Sam, I understand you got mad at me, but it doesn’t mean you hate me and of course it doesn’t make you a killer,” Daniel added, rubbing her back for comfort.

“I’m also of the opinion that you would never harm DanielJackson on purpose, ColonelCarter. In fact, I believe you treasure great affection for each other.”

Sam wrapped her hands around Daniel’s back tightly.

“God, Daniel, I love you, you’re like a brother to me. How could I ever have those other feelings for you? It's all so confusing.”

“Because you’re human?” Daniel shrugged.

“As you well pointed before, ColonelCarter, those feelings were built by your belief of being in love with O’Neill,” Teal’c explained. “Do you still harbor such feelings for him?”

Sam calmed down and drew back from his friend’s embrace. She shook her head.

“No, no, I think I never really loved him like that. It was just a safe fantasy,” she said.

“Sam, even if you were jealous at some point, you would never have hurt me.” Daniel caressed her face gently.

“How do you know it?” she asked with pleading eyes.

“C'mon, Carter, we know you!” Jack exclaimed.

“Indeed,” Teal’c confirmed.

“You’re a good person, Sam. You’re just not perfect, and neither are we. Sadness, fear, rage, they are all basic human emotions, we all have felt them at some point. What, do you think I never wanted to kill Jack?” Daniel chuckled.

“Hey!” Jack protested.

Sam smiled. She took Daniel’s hand in hers. “It may take me some time to get used to it, but I'm glad you found each other. Are you happy?”

“Yes, Sam, we are happy,” Daniel nodded.

Sam smiled. “Then I’m happy for you. I love you both, you know? After all, you’ve been through, you deserve some happiness.”

“What about you?” the archaeologist asked.

“I need to clarify my mind, think about what I really want. But don’t worry, I’ll be ok.”

Daniel nodded and squeezed her arm for comfort. She smiled at him fondly and then looked at Jack.

“The truth is that thinking of it, you two together look… hot,” she giggled.

“Carter!”

“Sam!”

“Indeed.”

The two lovers looked at the Jaffa with horror. He clasped his hands behind his back, and he left the room with a smile plastered in his face.

***

**_Later that evening_ **

The four friends were on the porch, sharing a late supper.

“I've decided to take the post at area 51,” Sam stated.

“Sam, that’s great,” Daniel smiled. “You always wished to have that extra time for investigation.”

“Huh!” Jack snorted. “Carter gets to play with her alien doohickies, Daniel gets to play with his Ancient artifacts, Teal’c gets to play with his friends Jaffa warriors, and what do I get? A table and a chair of leather. Am I the only one seeing something wrong in this picture?” he complained.

“Oh, but you got the boy,” Sam teased.

“Yeah, the boy at the other end of the universe.”

“Just for some months,” Daniel reminded him. And afterward, you’re all mine,” he smiled.

“I'll miss going through the Stargate,” Sam sighed.

“Yeah, me too,” Jack and Daniel said in unison. They looked at each other and grinned.

“God, you’re so obvious!” Sam teased. “I bet half of the base knows about you yet.”

“Indeed,” Teal’c raised his eyebrow.

The two lovers shrugged.

“God, I'm going to miss you all. You’re my family, the only one I had after my parents died,” Daniel smiled sadly. Jack clasped his shoulder.

“This isn’t a farewell, Danny. This is a *so long*.” They kissed briefly in the lips.

“Oh, boy,” Sam blushed.

“Indeed,” Teal’c smiled.

Jack lifted his bottle of beer.

“To SG-1!” he exclaimed.

“To SG-1!” the others mimicked him and the bottles (a glass of juice for Teal’c), clashed in a cheer.

“Jack, do you think they'll hang up the uniforms with our number in the Gateroom?”

“God, baby, how I'll miss you.”

****

**_The end, for now_ **


End file.
